Thinking Without Speaking

June 4, 2010 § Leave a comment

Other people have trouble writing; other people struggle with depression and caustic self-doubt.  I think a lot about the world (and I spend too much time on the internet), but I am terrifically shy.  I don’t come across as shy, usually.  People tell me I seem confident and assertive, that my voice is strong, my personality strong.

This is true, one-on-one.  Or at small gatherings.  In controlled situations.  But putting myself into the world is not easy.  I am truly, genuinely shy.  I don’t like being judged and found lacking.  And I value privacy .  Ha! (I know, right.)  I think maybe that’s where nostalgia is going next—blue water and privacy.

But you know, the water.  . There are problems with the water.  And the fish in the water.  And the birds.  Mammals.  The people who live near the water (who are also mammals).  Their lives are gone.  If they are lucky they will get new lives that open up before them.  Most will not be lucky.

My Aunt Kathy told me that her neighbor (a cosmetologist) said that cosmetologists and hairdressers are going down to the Louisiana coastline and cleaning the oil off of some birds and some mammals.  Because this is their area of expertise—they know how to clean gunk off of hair and skin.

I am inadequate to speak to the troubles in this world.  My hope though is that if I write enough, I can clean one bird, so to speak.



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